Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
