Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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