oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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