yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Randomize
