After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
