Your face is a jimmy john
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
operation have a gay friend backfired
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
