Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
