Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
