Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
