I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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