Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Don't make out with my wife yet
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
