That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
