The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
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