Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
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