You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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