So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
