My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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