Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
