I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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