your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
