you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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