Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
soo... how was my night?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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