I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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