my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
