I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
