I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
