I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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