Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Found the puke drawer
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
