sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
