When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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