did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
