Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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