Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
