To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
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What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
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How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
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