Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
