Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
porn star boner night. come get it.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
