She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
