Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
