ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
