you guys were way drunker than both of me
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
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Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
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You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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