Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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