You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
