Apparently you make a good broom.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
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