If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
