i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
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Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
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Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
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