I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
