remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
