You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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