Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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