Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
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