New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
