Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
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