Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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