If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
She's the barista slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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