I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
