So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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