just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
