i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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