she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
