Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
