My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
