so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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