Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
