I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
