omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
