i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
