1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
