toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I stole a fireplace last night.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
