Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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