Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Who died my cat blue again?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
