My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I need a beard to bite.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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