idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
