so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
