I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just gift wrapped bread.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
