I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Less talking, more tequila
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
