Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize