Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I will pee on everything he values.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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