Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
