I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
