There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
