you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
