I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
