Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
